I need a fresh start. Ever since I attempted suicide by overdosing I feel different. I feel like I was given a second chance. Its weird I’m not sad all the time anymore, I still am alot of the time but in between I am reasonably happy. But I feel that I need to make a new tumblr, to start fresh. To try and be a little more positive.

I’ve probably set myself up for heartbreak from you again but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I want to be with you.

I have a feeling that I’m not going to be getting any sleep tonight, well not much anyway.

That’s all that I’ve ever wanted, someone to want me. And at the start I wanted you but then someone ruined that for me. Now it’s like I don’t want you to want me anymore. It could be that you’re too clingy but I think it’s because you’re not him. I’m so certain you will treat me well, unlike he did but still I crazily want him, not you. And it’s so hard because I don’t want to hurt you but my life is too complicated for me at the moment, I don’t need you to complicate it more. You’re so sweet and kind but maybe I like the bad guys. I don’t know why.

My hair is oily, I have hairy legs, my fresh open wounds sting, I have mascara streaks down my face and the worst headache. I’m going to go have a shower, wash my hair and my face, shave my legs, while trying to wash today down the drain. I guess I wish I could wash my scars off my legs too. I know I can’t but I’m hoping doing this will make me the smallest bit better.

Today I tore my skin open and ate a whole block of chocolate. Guess what kind of day I had..

Sitting, wishing, waiting.

I’m sitting by the window, looking out with tears rolling down my cheeks. Just hoping any second now you will pull up in the driveway and come inside.